In the Moment Mom

Lately I've tried to be an "In the Moment Mom." I know that I should be treasuring these early years with my children, but honestly sometimes I just like to have a pity party and let myself complain about how hard it is, how tired I am, how much energy I don't have, how I can't seem to get anything done, how the laundry basket self replenishes everyday (even on laundry day), how I'm never going to lose the last 15 lbs. of baby weight and inevitably have the forever spare tire and a stomach ache from trying to hold it in in public, etc., etc. Motherhood is definitely THE hardest job on this planet. Sometimes I think I'm not cutout for this big job and I feel like I'm not being a good enough mom. Only now do I realize that parents are perfect like I always thought when I was a kid. I hope my kids cut me some slack someday! Sorry Mom and Dad, I won't judge so harshly in the future when Dad picks his nose or sticks his keys in his ears or goes to bed before the elderly...or when Mom turns all Jeckyl/Hyde when it's cleaning day or that she has the most annoying ring tones/text/voice mail alerts on this planet or when she uses her "man voice" to yell at the dog in front of company. Only now do I realize what great parents I really had (and still have) while I was growing up. I hope that I can do as good a job raising our kids as they did raising me and my siblings.

SO, what am I doing about this "woe is me" cloud that hangs over me? I am just taking it one day at a time. I am trying to be more patient, spend better quality time, sing more songs, read more books, give more hugs and kisses, and be more patient with my husband at the end of the day. I know that most moms at the end of the day have had it, well at least I have and I pretty much have to scrape the bottom of the patience barrel. I know that I am not the only mother who sometimes wonders if she matters because the world does not recognize the efforts of a mother. All I can think when I feel that way is that my mother mattered to me, so I must matter to my kids. The other night I was having a particularly rough go and I was so tired that I couldn't bring myself to read my scriptures that night, so I settled for an Ensign article. As I was pondering how I shouldn't have done this or how perhaps I should have done that, or why I felt I wasn't measuring up as a mom or a wife, I suddenly felt a moment of peace from those thoughts and distinctly felt the Lord letting me know that I mattered to Him. I felt that all my efforts were not in vain. The moment was brief, but it was enough to know that the Lord is aware of me. I know that still have a lot of room for improvement in so many way, but it's so nice to know that our efforts, no matter how small they may be, are recognized by the most important person of all, our Heavenly Father.

At the end of the day when the kids are asleep and the house is quiet is when I realize how blessed I am to be a wife and a mom.