I love this boy, but....

Is there some heinous law in nature that dictates "Your two-year-old shall now go through weird and obnoxious phases that will make you want to poke your eyes out. In fact, you won't even think you're raising the same child you gave birth to. Expect tantrums of frustration to increase in frequency...living with a diva will be comparable to living with your two-year-old. Don't fret about the strange noises you hear while you're in the shower, it's only an entire bag of cheetos being dumped out on your newly mopped floor, which should make you feel better after your two-year-old then commences dining on the cheetos...at least the floor is clean. If you're two-year-old runs around the house garbling like a goblin and you have flashbacks of the movie "Gremlins," don't worry, it's just "a phase." Finally, it is completely "NORMAL" and warranted that a two-year-old boy who is not potty trained or even close to being potty trained, must take off his pants and diaper several times a day. Not only is he to take his diaper off, he is to pee in several areas of the house, floors are fine, but furniture is preferred. The exceptional and respectable thing to do next would be to have a diarrhea attack on the white Berber carpet. The poop should be green as to maximize stain penetration. A victory dance in the said poop, while wearing white socks, should seal the deal. You are NOW officially raising a two-year-old!"